Acta est Fabula
by Jillian Bowes
Summary: I didn't figure it out until it was too late. What could I have even done? I don't know anything about that kind of stuff. Seems like only the older people in the castle could understand what was wrong with Axel when they found out.


**Note: Day 1 is not Roxas's first day in the Organization. It marks the beginning of the plot of this story. This story doesn't really have anything to do with 358/2 Days. All the members are still around and all that. Except Xion. Sorry guys. (Latin translations in second author's note.)**

_**Untitled Entry: **__Looking back on it, I really should have noticed it sooner. I should have noticed it when he lost the spring in his step, when his smiles became forced, when he no longer bought ice cream to eat at the clock tower. He would just sit there, trying to talk to me like normal, and being the idiot I am, I didn't recognize his behavior as a serious issue. I just went on with my life, if I could even call it that. I should have noticed how tired he had gotten… But how could I know? I didn't figure it out until it was too late. What could I have even done? I don't know anything about that kind of stuff. Seems like only the older people in the castle could understand what was wrong with Axel when they found out. I don't think that any of them cared. Could they? Do we have to have hearts to care? Probably… I wish I had a heart so I could tell Axel I cared. I bet that would mean a lot to him. Or do you need a heart for something to mean a lot to you? It's all too complicated… My face is wet again. It makes my eyes red and puffy, and then I feel tired for the rest of the day. Crying, I think Axel called it... I need to sleep._

**Day 1 - The Beginning**

The usual spot. Twilight town. Sunset. Sitting there on the clock tower, talking about nothing, talking about everything. Eating sea-salt ice cream. That's what they did, and it's what they stuck to. The norm. Roxas found he couldn't function without a routine. He recalled the one vacation the Organization was granted. It was not fun for him, like he knew it was supposed to be. Fortunately, vacations in Organization XIII were few and far between, and he wouldn't have to rack his brain for things to do all the time.

"Say, Roxas," Axel spoke, pulling Roxas away from his thoughts. "What are your feelings on the matter of Kingdom Hearts?"

"Feelings? Sometimes I think if you didn't drink so much you wouldn't say things that don't make sense." Roxas playfully shoved him. They laughed. All was well.

"Ah, I guess you got me there… But come on! I don't drink that much… Do I?"

"Like a fish, Axel," Roxas said, smirking.

"Pfft, kids these days," Axel muttered. "Whatever happened to respecting your elders and all that?"

"Well, you're supposed to be my role model, so I probably get my poor behavior from you."

"Geez, man, you're wounding me. Really. I'm crushed." Axel put on his best puppy dog face. He was always good at puppy dog faces.

Roxas was not fooled.

"Oh, whatever. But hey, you got some good qualities," Roxas said, a hand on his shoulder in mock-reassurance. "Like your figure. You're the skinniest person in the castle! I be Larxene is jealous of you." Roxas laughed. Axel pretended to glare. "Seriously man, do you not eat anything?"

"Shut up, man, I eat plenty!" The two laughed together. The sun continued to set, shedding pink and orange hues on the pair.

Roxas finished his ice cream, and he noticed Axel had hardly made a dent in his. This was peculiar, as Axel _always_ finished his ice cream first. Roxas said nothing.

"Guess I wasn't all that hungry," Axel said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head like he always did when he was uncomfortable. He stood up. "Ugh… I think I stood up too fast. My stomach…"

Roxas looked up at him. "Are you okay?"

Axel smiled, just like always. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's go back to the castle. Maybe I can get in a good bedtime puking before going to sleep," he said with a wink. Roxas stood up and punched him in the arm, playfully.

"Gross! You're gonna make _me_ throw up!" They shared another laugh and returned to the castle.

Just like always.

**Day 23 – The Symptoms**

They were assigned a mission together. Roxas loved missions with Axel. Or as much as he could without a heart. Their orders were to take out a Neoshadow in Twilight Town. They'd had little difficulty locating it.

Battling it, however, was a completely different story.

Neoshadows were generally not very difficult to handle with a partner. Defeating them on one's own was extremely taxing. In this case, despite Axel's presence, Roxas was practically fighting the magnificent beast on his own. Axel did what he could. "I… I'm sorry Rox. I just… I'm so…" Axel, being Axel, wouldn't dare finish the sentence. Somehow, Roxas already knew what he was going to say. _Weak. _ Why? He did complain about being tired before he left the castle, but he was known to be a lover of sleep. Roxas had thought nothing of it then, and he would think nothing of it now.

He continued to fight alone.

The mission was eventually completed, and the two bought their ice cream. They traveled to the top of the clock tower via portal. Roxas knew Axel would not want to climb today.

They talked about nothing. They talked about everything. Just like always. Somehow, Roxas noticed, things were different. He couldn't place a finger on it, but things were just _off_.

"Axel, your ice cream's melting again," Roxas said.

Axel's expression flickered, then returned to its usual smile. "Eh… I'm just havin' an off day. You want it?" When Roxas shook his head, Axel carelessly dropped the ice cream and laid back with his eyes closed and his arms folded behind his head.

"Didn't get enough sleep or something?" Roxas inquired.

Axel opened one eye. "Not sure. I guess it's possible, but I went to sleep at the same time I usually do. It's probably nothing."

"Maybe all the ice cream you usually eat is making you unhealthy. Won't be long before I'm as lazy as you are." They laughed.

**Day 35 – **_**Cave Canem**_

Another mission together in Twilight Town. The mission was fairly simple. They met their quota sooner than expected, and the two were just walking around aimlessly. They were currently in the sandlot.

"Hey, look!" Roxas turned to see that Axel was pointing at one of the benches. "There's a dog under that bench!" A dog? Roxas had never seen a dog before, unless he counted the Bad Dogs at Beast's Castle. Sure enough, there was a little golden pup sniffing the ground, perhaps for scraps of food left by the locals. The two of them approached it, and Axel crouched in front of it. "Come on, Roxas! Play with it. Err… Him." The dog barked.

Cautiously, Roxas knelt down in front of the pup and held out a gloved hand. The dog huffed. "I think we should take off our gloves. They probably smell like mean old Nobodies back at the castle." It seemed he was still frustrated with Saïx for barging in his room at 6 AM unannounced.

They removed their gloves, and the dog licked their hands. Roxas quickly warmed up to their new friend, as did Axel. It nipped at Roxas's hands, and the pair laughed. The pup turned its attention to Axel and began to nip at his right hand. The dog quickly retracted, and looked at Axel with what looked like concern. "What's the matter, dog?" Axel asked him.

"Axel, you're bleeding!" Roxas exclaimed.

"What?" Sure enough, when he looked down at his right hand, it was covered in blood. The dog bowed his head in shame and whined. "Aw, don't worry about it, dog." He patted his head with his left hand and he stood. "Come on, we should be heading back to the castle anyway."

Thankfully, the dog did not follow them.

"Man," Axel said once they had reached the castle. "That was so weird… I usually don't bleed that easily."

"I guess the dog bit you a little hard than it should've, huh?" Roxas managed a smile.

"Yeah. Guess he did…"

Axel yawned.

**Day 48 - Confusion**

Axel and Roxas walked to the Grey Area in silence. There usually wasn't much to talk about after breakfast.

"Hey, um… Axel?" Roxas asked, sounding unsure. Axel turned to look at Roxas with tired eyes. "It's probably nothing, since I don't really know anything about health and stuff, but… I think your skin is looking a little yellow… I dunno."

Axel blinked a few times, looking as if he was having trouble processing the information. Finally, he spoke. "…What?"

"Like I said, it's probably nothing! I… Maybe I'm seeing things. I just noticed it the other day in Twilight Town, but I thought it might've been the sun. Now that we're in here, I'm not so sure."

Silence.

And then, "…What?"

"Uh, Axel?"

Just when they had gotten to the Grey Area, Axel said, "I… Sorry, I'm gonna be sick." He hurried down the hall.

Axel didn't come to the clock tower that day.

Roxas returned from his mission and asked Saïx about Axel.

"He is ill. He spent the day sleeping and vomiting."

_Gross._

**Day 63 – Won't**

Off and on. Axel had been sick off and on. The madness was excruciating. Evenings at the clock tower became lonely. Occasionally Axel had his good days, and he would go on missions like always. Unfortunately, today was another sick day.

A knock at the door.

Silence.

Another knock.

Further silence.

An entrance.

"Axel?" Roxas nearly whispered. What Roxas saw next stirred up an unknown feeling he didn't know he had.

Axel lying on his bed, uncovered with his hands at his sides, just staring at the ceiling.

_That's… _seriously_ unlike him._

Roxas approached Axel's bedside cautiously. "Axel?" he tried. Axel turned his head to look at Roxas and managed a painfully fake smile.

"Oh… heya… Roxas," he croaked. "S-…Sup?"

"Axel… Man. What's happening to you?"

"Don't… don't worry about me Roxas… I'm just a little tired…" His eyes began to close.

"Hey! Axel, stay awake!" Axel tried to keep his eyes open. "Axel, you need to talk to Vexen. He'll fix you up."

Axel's eyes snapped wide open. "N-no! No way, Rox…Roxas… I'm not doing that… I won't. There's nothing… nothing wrong!" Axel was beginning to run out of breath every few words.

"Look, man, I know you don't like Vexen, but he can help you. You clearly need help! Look at yourself! I'm… I'm worried about you."

"No… No Roxas…"

"If you won't talk to him, then I will." The finality in his voice was unmistakeable.

Silence.

"…Fine. When I can… get up… I'll see him…"

That was good enough for Roxas.

**Day 67 – Live**

Today was another "good day." "Good" meaning Axel was not ill, and everything was mostly normal. The day before was a good day. Axel probably wouldn't call it that, since Roxas made him talk to Vexen that day. Axel was vague in telling Roxas what Vexen said. He really wanted to know, because whatever it was caused Axel to begin acting even _more_ different. It seemed as though he was going out of his way to spend time with Roxas, as if the world was ending or something! To each his own, he supposed.

They were back on the clock tower again. Axel didn't buy any ice cream.

"Come on, Axel, just tell me what Vexen said!" Roxas asked, poking Axel in the arm.

"I told you, not much happened. He didn't really say anything worth telling." Axel wouldn't look at Roxas.

"Well… Did he give you any medicine?" Roxas asked, disappointed.

"Well, he told me I should stop drinking for the time being, since it won't help me get better at all."

"But he didn't offer any medicine!?" Roxas was shocked.

"I mean, he did, but… I didn't accept it."

"Why not!?" Roxas was close to shouting. "Don't you want to get better?"

"You don't understand, Rox." Axel was now looking him in the eyes. "That kind of medicine… The only medicine that could possibly help me… It won't make my illness any better. It makes it worse."

_What kind of medicine is that? Isn't medicine supposed to make you better?_ "Wait. What did he say your illness is?"

Unexpectedly, Axel smiled. "Oh, Rox. We don't need to worry about that right now. In fact, we should be enjoying this sunset. This same sunset will never happen again, you know. We should take in every moment before it leaves forever, don't you think?"

For now, Roxas was giving up. "I… I guess so."

**Day 74 - Denial**

The good day developed into a good week. Roxas was surprised, and he he hoped that maybe Axel had gotten better. He didn't know what was wrong, but Axel wasn't too worried. Knowing this, Roxas tried not to be worried either. He knew now that Axel did indeed have an illness, but maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as he initially thought.

He was on his way to Axel's room so they could receive their assignments together. As usual. Nothing's changed. He reached Axel's door. Roxas had a habit of forgetting to knock.

"Hey, Axel are you r- _Axel!_" Roxas gasped. Axel was sitting propped up against the near wall, just beside his bed. He was pale as a sheet, and he was breathing raggedly. It looked as if he had collapsed just before Roxas arrived. Before Roxas could say anything more, Axel shot up and put a smile on his face.

"Oh! Hey, Roxas! H-How's it going?"

Roxas wasn't about to let something like this slide. "Axel, you're... Have you been feigning health!? You're shaking and-"

Axel walked up to Roxas and put his hands on his shoulders. "Roxas. Really. Don't worry about me, okay? I've told you, there's nothing to worry about right now."

"I... I can't help it. Why were you just... sitting there?"

There was a brief period of silence. Then, "I was just thinking, that's all."

"On the floor?"

"C'mon man, is that so weird?" Axel chuckled.

"It's just... It looked like maybe you fell down or fainted or something and just... I dunno. I'm being stupid."

"You sure are! Just kidding; come on, let's go get our assignments." He left the room before Roxas could protest.

Roxas was ordered to leave for his mission before he could even hear what Axel's mission was. He didn't really mind, though he was curious as to what his mission might be. Would it wear him out again? Was he well enough to handle Heartless?

Axel didn't come to the clock tower that day.

_Maybe Vexen went to see him again. ... Wait a sec. I should just ask _him_ what's wrong! Maybe he'll be more willing to tell me than Axel will._

Roxas quickly disposed of his ice cream and raced through a portal to the castle. Roxas had only been to Vexen's lab once before, and he was not looking forward to visiting it again. _It's for Axel,_ he told himself.

_Knock, knock, knock._

The door slid open with barely a sound, and Roxas was met with cold green eyes. "What is it?" Vexen spoke, as if irritated for being interrupted.

Roxas began wringing his hands. "I... Sorry, I just... Um, is Axel okay? I mean, he was sick for a while and then he got better, but I think he might be faking and-"

"I was told not to disclose this information to you."

"...What? Well why not!?" Roxas asked, his voice rising.

"Axel said he did not want you to 'worry.' Ha! As if you have a heart to worry with in the first place. Now leave me be, boy." The door shut.

_Just what is going on here!?_

**Day 75 - Please**

Vexen's words had deeply disturbed Roxas. He was also dumbfounded by the fact that Vexen would actually do as Axel instructed and not tell Roxas anything. Vexen _hated _taking orders from neophytes. _Maybe Vexen isn't _all_ bad..._

Roxas found himself walking to Axel's room yet again, hoping he wouldn't find him in the state he was in the day before. Or worse.

To his own surprise, he remembered to knock.

To his even_ further _surprise, there was an answer. "Come in." The voice on the other side was almost too quiet for Roxas to hear. Quietly, he entered the room, only to be greeted by the sight of his best friend lying on the bed. Axel turned his head to look at him, a weak smile on his face.

"Hey there, partner," he said, barely raising his hand in an attempt to wave.

"Not feeling so hot today?" Roxas asked, walking closer to Axel's bedside.

"Ah, well... You know. Just a bit nauseas."

Roxas sighed. "Axel, please. I want to know the truth. The past couple of months you've been... Well. Sickly. What's going on?"

Axel looked away. "Roxas, come on, it's nothin'! Why do you keep...keep asking me that?" Axel's yellow-tinted eyelids were drooping.

"Axel! You're tired all the time, your skin is yellowing, you get confused over nothing, and you bleed way too easily to be normal. Something's wrong, and you and Vexen are hiding it from me! Even the other people in the castle are looking at you differently. Does everyone know? Are you trying to protect me somehow? _Please!_ I have to know!"

Axel slowly began to sit up, and he moved to sit with his legs over the side of the bed. He patted the spot next to him.

"Sit down, Roxas." Axel's expression was more serious than he had ever seen it. Roxas did as he was told. "I want you to know something."

Roxas gulped. "Okay...?"

"Roxas. You're my best friend. No matter what happens in the next few months, nothing will change that. When the time comes... I'll tell you what's been going on. For now, I want you to go on your missions, eat ice cream, and go on with your normal routine. All right?"

Something in Axel's eyes left no room for Roxas to argue.

**Day 113 - **_**Fiat Lux**_

In the weeks following Axel's ambiguous talk with Roxas, it became apparent that Axel's health was rapidly deteriorating. He was going on very few missions, and he seemed almost entirely unable to keep any food down. It was thought impossible, but he was growing thinner by the day. He had stopped going on missions all together, but this didn't prevent Roxas from seeing him every day. He made sure to visit him before and after all of his missions.

"Hey, Ax. I just finished my mission. How's it going?" He knelt down at Axel's bedside so he could get on eye-level with him. Another usual.

"Worse than usual, not-surprisingly," Axel said, his eyes closed.

Roxas frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Well, on top of feeling terrible, I'm really, _really_ hungry. But I know that if I eat anything, I'll throw it up and be hungry later."

Roxas was never good with these types of situations. He often felt that he would know what to do or say if he had a heart. "... I'm sorry."

Axel opened his eyes. "Roxas... There's something I gotta tell you."

"Really? What is it?" he asked, nervously.

"I... I'm gonna be leaving soon."

"Leaving? Where are you going?" This wasn't making any sense! He's a Nobody in Organization XIII. Where could he possibly go?

Axel let out a small chuckle. "I dunno, man."

"You don't know? How can you be leaving if you don't know where you're going?"

"It's... complicated. I just wanted you do know I won't be here anymore."

Roxas was shocked. "You're... You're not going to be living here anymore?" Axel weakly shook his head. "But... What about the Organization? What about missions, and ice cream? What about your heart?" _What about me?_

Axel's eyes became glassy. "I'm really sorry, Roxas. It's not that I want to leave, I just don't have a choice."

There was a long period of silence.

"Roxas..."

He didn't answer. His gaze was fixed on the floor.

"Roxas, do you want to know what Vexen told me?"

Slowly, Roxas lifted his gaze to meet Axel's. He nodded his head.

"I'm... I'm terminally ill, Roxas," he said, choking on his words.

Terminally ill?" Roxas had never heard that word before... He already knew Axel was ill, but "terminally ill" sounded much worse. "What... What does that mean?"

"It's... I... My illness is fatal. I have cancer. Vexen's been dealing with me for the past couple of months and- Roxas, don't cry..."

Cry? What? Roxas had barely noticed that his face was wet. "Y-You mean you're gonna d-die?" He found it was difficult to speak, and he was losing control of his breathing.

Axel nodded his head. "The last time I went to see Vexen, he told me my liver was failing. I have a few more weeks at best. I... I didn't tell you before because I was afraid of how you would react. I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I'm sorry I have to leave... I really don't want to." Axel discovered he was shedding a few tears of his own. "Huh. I didn't think crying was even possible for people like us..."

"Is there really nothing they can do? Nothing at all!? There has to be something." Roxas was growing frustrated.

"No, Roxas... I'm sorry."

"No! No, please Axel! You have to stay! You have to..." He trailed off.

"Hey... We've had some pretty good times. Don't you forget that." Axel smiled for him. Smiled! How could he smile at a time like this? Axel tried to prop himself up on his elbows, but he failed and plopped down on the bed again. He groaned. Roxas began to panic. About Axel, about his illness, about the world.

"I... Can't they just, I dunno, get you a new liver or something?"

"Vexen doesn't have the resources, and besides... Cancer patients can't get transplants."

"Why not!?"

"Just the way it is, buddy... I'm sorry. Roxas, I want you to know. I refused the medicine because I knew it wouldn't make me any better. Plus my hair would fall out, and you don't want to know what I would look like bald." He managed a smile for Roxas.

"What kind of medicine doesn't make you better?"

"It's chemotherapy, or chemo. It's supposed to kill the cancer cells, but it takes the good cells with it, and makes you sick. Really sick. On top of that, it's expensive as hell. The Organization doesn't exactly get any income from salvaging hearts, unless you count the munny we get off of Heartless."

"... I wouldn't care if you were lost your hair," Roxas mumbled. "How could I?" He said, finally smiling a little.

"There's a smile. I want you to do me a favor, Roxas," Axel nearly whispered.

"...Sure, anything..."

"In a few weeks, after... You know, after. I want you to keep smiling. Got it memorized? Don't just mope around like you did when you first joined us. Saïx is already the Organization's designated zombie."

"C-Come on, Axel..." The tears were back. "Y-You can't just... ask me to smile after you're..." He couldn't finish.

"I'm not telling you to smile because I died. I'm just... I don't want you to be sad. Or...whatever. You've heard the 'no heart' spiel a thousand times. Anyway, don't be sad. You'll still have your memories, right?" This time, Axel was successful in sitting up in the manner he did the last time they had a serious talk. Once again, he patted the spot next to him. He was slightly hunched over, but he did not lie back down.

Roxas took the spot next to him, and Axel slung a careful arm around his shoulders. He tightened his grip on him, and Roxas said nothing. He simply cried into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Roxas... I'm so, so sorry..."

**Day 120 - Routine**

Needless to say, after Roxas learned the news of Axel's impending demise, he spent as much time with Axel as much as possible. He continued his routine of seeing him before and after missions, but he would stay much longer than he did before. Roxas could see that Axel was touched by his actions, but he knew that Axel felt guilty. He even apologized for making Roxas feel obligated to spend time with him (which was not true, to say the least).

Normally, Roxas found comfort in having a specific routine. However, this routine had rather morbid undertones, and he preferred not to think about it. He tried to commit each moment with Axel to memory, but he found the days were blurring together. If this was depression without a heart, he would hate to think about what depression would be like _with _a heart.

"So talk to me, Roxas." Axel was sitting up with his back against the pillows, a rare occurrence. "How have your missions going? Collecting enough hearts? Wouldn't want to disappoint the boss-man."

By now, Roxas had already brought a chair to Axel's room to sit in. His knees were getting sore from kneeling on the floor anyway. He took his spot by Axel's bedside. "I dunno," he said, looking down at his hands. "Xemnas and Saïx seem pretty tense, Saïx especially. I don't know why..."

"I can probably tell you. I'm guessing Xemnas is peeved because we're gonna be short handed, and Saïx... Well, that's another story."

"I have time."

Axel sighed. "Eh... Not all that much to tell, really. We... We used to be pretty close. Back in the day. But, after he lost his heart, he changed. I'm assuming it was Xemnas's influence, but that doesn't matter. Guess it's good to know he's not completely unaffected."

"Do you want to talk to him? At all?"

"Meh. That's his choice. Besides, all that's in the past now. No point in dwelling on it."

"I guess so..."

Comfortable silence.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"I hate to ask you this, but... do you think you could get me some water? My throat is dryer than my humor." To Axel's surprise, Roxas chuckled. It had been a long time since he had laughed in front of Axel. Or anybody, for that matter.

"Yeah! Sorry, I probably should've thought about bringing some to you in the first place. I'll be right back!" Roxas was out the door before Axel could say anything else.

When Roxas returned with a bottle of water, the first thing he noticed was that Axel's eyes were closed. His head was resting against the headboard.

He was still.

Unmoving.

Roxas was at his side in an instant.

"Axel? Axel!" He was gently shaking him by his shoulder, greatly panicked.

Thankfully, Axel stirred. "Nngh..." He opened his eyes. "Sorry, Roxas... I guess I got a little sleepy."

Roxas handed him the water. He took it gratefully. "Thanks..."

"You... You really scared me. I thought..."

"I know Roxas. And you know, maybe one day you'll find me like that, and I won't wake up. I just... I want you to be prepared."

"Axel, I can't! I can't prepare myself for something like that."

"I know. But can you at least try?"

"...No. I don't know how I could do that."

From that day on, Roxas came to Axel water bottle in hand.

Another usual.

**Day 128 - Like Any Other Day**

"Hey..." Roxas quietly entered the room.

"Hey, Rox."

"I brought you some ice cream. Well, I mean... If you think you can keep it down. I dunno. I just thought we could eat ice cream together like old times," Roxas confessed sheepishly. Axel smiled.

"Thanks, buddy. I think I'll try." He took the ice cream and peeled off the clear wrapping.

"You don't have to... I probably should have considered the consequences. I don't want you to throw up or-" Axel held up a hand, cutting him off.

"It's okay Roxas. I want to." He took his first bite of sea-salt ice cream in weeks. Axel's smile grew wider, and Roxas knew he was happier than he had been in months. "Thank you, Roxas."

Roxas smiled as well and took a bite of his own ice cream.

Just like old times.

"You know, man, I'm gonna miss this thing we do. Ice cream, talking..."

"Me too," Roxas said sullenly.

"Well, I dunno about you, but wherever I'm going, I certainly hope there's ice cream." There he went again, trying to bring humor to a tragic situation.

"What happens to us Axel? Where do we go?" Roxas said, surprising even himself.

"What, when we die? Man. I have no idea. Heh. Pretty scary right? But... I had a good run."

Silence.

Axel was still resting against the headboard. He moved his gaze to the far wall.

More silence. Achingly uncomfortable silence.

A tear. Axel's. A hand, balled into a strong fist. Also Axel's.

"It isn't fair," Axel whispered. Roxas almost didn't hear him. This was the first time Roxas had seen Axel show pity for himself. Sure, he'd heard him say he was sorry to Roxas for having to leave him, but he'd never said something like this.

"Axel..." he tried.

"I've only lived a quarter of my life. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to get my heart back. I thought... I don't know what I thought. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten any better. Maybe I'm being spared." Before Axel could continue his quiet, despairing monologue, Roxas cut in.

"I'm sorry, Axel. I didn't think of it that way... I wish I could go with you."

Axel's eyes snapped to Roxas. "Don't you say that, got it memorized!? Don't..." He sighed. "Just... Let's just finish our ice cream. It's melting."

They continued to eat their cold treats.

Axel finished his first.

He kept it down.

**Day 145 - The Way Down**

Axel didn't have much time left. That much was clear. He was extremely thin, his cheeks were sunken, and worst of all, he could hardly hold up his end of a conversation. Roxas found it extremely hard to watch, but he wanted to stay with Axel until... well.

It was morning. It wasn't until a few days ago that Roxas realized he was subconsciously hurrying through the halls to get to Axel's room every day. He wouldn't admit it to himself or to anybody, but he knew it was because he was afraid he would show up one day, too late.

"Hey, Axel, it's me again," he said lightly. Axel turned his head to look at him, his eyes lacking the light they normally held. "Sorry if you were asleep," he said, taking his seat. "I brought you some water and some eggs. You know, for protein." Roxas forced a smile. To his dismay, Axel barely shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Thank you," he tried, but it came out as a hoarse whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again, with little more success. Roxas set the plate and water bottle on the bedside table. Roxas sighed, once again finding himself holding back tears.

"Axel, I…"

The door opened. Roxas whirled around, only to be met by striking blue hair and steely golden eyes.

"Saïx!?" Roxas exclaimed, albeit quietly. He thought he had heard Axel say it as well, but he wasn't sure.

"I need to speak with Axel," he said, the same stone-like look on his face as always.

"Uh, sure…" Roxas stepped around him and waited outside the door.

It was an eternity later that Saïx stepped back out of the room. His expression was alarmingly different than it normally was. It appeared… woeful, perhaps? Roxas wasn't sure. He wasn't sure Nobodies were even capable of emotion. But if that was true, then why was he so _sad_?

"What… What happened in there?" Roxas asked carefully.

For a few seconds, Saïx said was silent. Then, "You have a mission in Twilight Town today. You are to depart soon." He turned on his heel and began to walk away.

"Saïx!" he shouted. To his surprise, Saïx stopped, though he only turned his head back to look at him. "What happens to Nobodies when we die?" Roxas wasn't aware of it, but his own tears were spilling over.

Saïx turned his head away from him. "Nothing." With that, he was gone.

Roxas wiped the last of his tears away and reentered Axel's room.

He resumed his position at Axel's side, and he was absolutely _compelled_ to ask: "What did you two talk about?"

Axel stared. It wasn't the look he often gave Roxas when he didn't want to tell him something confidential. It was more like the look he gave him when he couldn't remember something. Being Axel, this look didn't cross his features often. This deeply troubled Roxas. He couldn't remember something that just happened? Maybe that was why Saix looked so upset.

Roxas could only surmise that Saix had tried to talk to him, perhaps even make amends, but that Axel wasn't well enough to fully participate in the conversation. Axel was dying, and everyone in the castle knew it.

Worse yet, there wasn't a damn thing Roxas could do about it.

Axel could see that Roxas was wringing his hands again. He reached a shaking hand to cover both of Roxas's and squeezed as tight as he could (which, of course, was not very tight at all).

"Hey," he half-whispered, finally finding some of his voice. "It's… gonna be… okay," he managed.

No. It wouldn't.

**Day 153 - **_**Acta est Fabula**_

It was a Thursday. Roxas had been assigned a rather dull and unimportant mission. All he had to do was locate the Nobody emblems scattered about the world. He was having trouble finding the last one, but he knew it _had_ to be somewhere in the halls of Beast's castle. He was getting frustrated. He never wanted to keep Axel waiting.

He was torn from his thoughts by the unmistakable sound of a dark portal being opened behind him. It was Vexen.

"This mission is over." He grabbed Roxas by his upper arm, and half-dragged him through the portal.

"Vexen, where are we-" They reached the other side. It was Axel's room.

"This is the end Roxas. ... I'm sorry." It took around eight seconds to comprehend the fact that Vexen actually said he was _sorry _for this incident, and then another three get over it and rush to Axel's side and take his hand. He didn't bother sitting in the chair. Vexen portaled out of the room.

"Heya... Roxas..." Roxas was shedding unstoppable tears, but Axel's eyes held none. "I'm glad... that you're... here..."

"Axel," Roxas choked. "I'm... I..." _I don't know what to say. What _can_ you say to a man at the end of his life?_

"Oh... Don't get... too sad, buddy..." He was struggling to breathe, Roxas could tell, but he kept pushing himself to say what he wanted to say. "You're... my best friend... I know you... won't forget that..."

For a brief moment, Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, but forced himself to look at Axel. It really was a terrible sight to be seen. "No, no I'll never forget that. I'll keep all of our memories, I promise," he sobbed.

Axel attempted to squeeze his hand. "It's gonna be okay, Rox. Everything'll be... okay..." His eyelids were beginning to droop.

"No! No, no, no, no, Axel, please! Stay with me! _Help! Vexen! Someone, please!_" No one came.

Axel shook his head. "Roxas... Remember what I said... before? Just... keep smiling... Don't get too... sad... Got it... memorized?" Roxas nodded his head and continued to sob.

Axel closed his eyes.

They did not open again.

His head lolled to one side, and slivers of darkness began to peel away at his skin. Roxas had never seen anything like it. Were he not so grief-stricken, he would have called it a phenomenon. He sank to his knees and gripped Axel's hand tight.

"Axel... No... No!" Axel's body continued to fade, and his hand was no longer in Roxas's grasp.

It was a Thursday.

And Axel was gone.

_**Floruit**_

Roxas wasn't assigned a mission the next day. He was thankful Saïx offered the reprieve, but he wished for some distraction from his thoughts.

_I don't understand... He was good. He was brave. Why did this happen? _

The distraction never came.

_**Untitled entry: **__I talked to Vexen some more. I couldn't understand some of the things he told me. He said something about how Axel's liver couldn't digest food or make proteins for him. He told me he practically starved to death. That, and his liver couldn't get rid of bad stuff... I didn't care to ask him anymore. I won't ever understand. I don't even have a heart. I've been trying to smile like Axel told me, but... without him, there's nothing to smile about. _

_I stopped going to the clock tower. Sitting up there with a story to tell isn't any fun without someone to tell it to. A couple of the other members actually reached out to me, Demyx in particular. Axel and I didn't talk with him much, but when we did, he was always really nice. He said something about holding a "funeral service" for Axel. I don't know what that means, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I might talk to him a little more about it. _

_I'm going to get my heart back for him. That would make him proud. I... I think I may try smiling for him, too. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow. Some day, though, I'll smile for him. _

_Got it memorized, Axel?_

-Translations-

_cave canem- _beware the dog

_fiat lux- _let there be light (a metaphor for revealing the truth)

_acta est fabula- _the play is over

_floruit- _s/he flourished (usually found on a tomb stone)

**A/N: Finally finished! This was kind of difficult to write. However, I exceeded my goal of 5000 words! I'm so happy. I hope you liked it. Please, please, please leave a review! It would make my day, really. Thank you for reading!**


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